I’ve been learning that being complex and “smart” does not equate to being understood. Below I elaborate on what simple means to me.
Appreciate air
When you walk into a room, look for the small things to appreciate. The air you breathe, the colors, the decor. These are all things people can unite on. Say things like “great room” and mean it and watch people agree with you. On the other hand if you say things like: “Oh my gosh, my niece has a friend with a wine rack like that!” Your sentiment will be lost on most.
Simple words unite
This is the main reason I use repetitive phrases, or mantras, in my day. They help me refocus on the simple goals I have and want to see through. Asking about the weather is popular for a reason … it connects people. If you are trying to bring healing to a room, use simple words. Don’t get caught up in too many details. Fight the urge to. If you are detail oriented tech person like me, you’ll agree that is easier said than done.
Let others draw you out
At times in my life I’ve been quite loud in public. I have learned this is no way to be. Back in grad school c.1996 I had an advisor who wrote me a recommendation. In that letter he called me “unassuming.” In the time since then I have tried to live up to that. I appreciate people who make no judgments and assume nothing. This should be a personality trait I continually strive for. Thanks to Dr. Zhao, I have that amazing vision. Let others draw out your complexity and keep the details of your thoughts veiled until people ask for them. This is a key element of being understood.
Don’t forget your “firsts”
Remember the first time you took the bubble wrap off something electronic? How about your first kiss? People around you throughout the day are at varying levels of “firsts” such as these. Enjoying with someone at a low level of understanding can be even more rewarding than learning from someone more advanced than you. When you start your day, ask yourself:
“What ‘firsts’ can I relive through others’ experience today?”
It used to be my intention to make rooms better with my knowledge and input. Now, approaching 40, I am proud to say that I have a new goal: to be understood.
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4 Comments
Being understood correctly is even harder to achieve than being understood. I can totally agree with take some time to appreciate the simpler things and connect on a simpler more global and easy level.
Nice post bro.
@Dragon Blogger: Oh, I love it when someone gets it! I am glad you hang around Justin!
I love that your advisor referred to you as unassuming. I think it’s that sense of modesty that allows you to write as creatively as you do.
For me, one of the many blessings of having children, was learning to appreciate the simple things and the firsts again. I had forgotten how freeing it is to swing on a swing, to build snowmen and just to play imaginatively. As adults, I think we get so busy and so focused that we forget how to play. That’s a shame.
Great article, Damien!! I can finally sit at my computer again so I’ll be catching up on your posts!!
I loved what you said. You heard what you wanted to hear, instead of the message spoken. I fear I have been guilty of that ….as an RN I really try to hone me listening skills, as I find it’s the little things the patient shares with me often have the most impact and sometimes can determine course of treatment and the likes.