Based on what I deal with in my job as a teacher, I know that people do not always “perceive” teachers the same way they see themselves. One might discipline a student for yelling out in class because it is affecting quieter children who can’t learn because of it. Later, one may get a call or a note about a parent who complained because one “yelled” at their child. It’s all perception. On one hand, a teacher can be perceived as heroic by the quieter student’s parent. Still, the other parent is incorrectly concerned that her child has been made a “victim” of sorts. Then again, there are always the parents who don’t care at all. Those are the worst kind I think, the ones with “no” perception and no care. So, in my microcosm what can I do to deal with perception?

Well, there is no way to please all people all the time. However, with relationships with students and all people, I can strain to understand where they are coming from. I’ve grown through a lot of years since 25. Now, at 40 (2010) I have learned the most prized communication I value is empathy. If I try in every situation to understand where the other is coming from, I am probably doing well at life. The less I care, the less I get. There are many ways to empathize … mostly through active listening. There is also value in “mirroring” as an activity and allowing wait time before you respond. None of this stuff is easy, but it builds empathy which is relationship currency.

PS – I am not good at empathy, but I recognize it’s value. To me, this is the most important first level. Are you there?

There are times in our lives when we need encouragement toward our dreams. Be sensitive to the hopes and dreams of those around you and be ready and willing to encourage them to get there. The way you do it will depend on you and your “style.” In the past, I have tried to encourage people in my life through gift cards, a pat on the back, or even just a thumbs up from across the room. Encouragement comes in many forms. The most important ingredient is caring.

What’s in it for you? You might ask. Well, maybe nothing. Probably though you will feel good about helping someone to get what they want. We spend so much time in today’s society looking out for ourselves, it can only be good for us to think of someone else, for no reason, for a change.

In the wan light, the faces of the men must have been gray. Their eyes must have glinted in strange ways as they gazed steadily astern. Viewed from a balcony, the whole thing would doubtlessly have been weirdly picturesque. But the men in the boat had no time to see it, and if they had had leisure there were other things to occupy their minds.

In June of 1987, I was repelling with a group of campers in the the Forest Falls mountains. There were times it was pretty scary for me. I’ve never been good with heights and we were definitely jumping off some big cliffs. I think when we are afraid, we are tempted to close our eyes. I remember closing my eyes a lot that week. A few times my friends coerced me into looking out into the majestic meadows I was hanging over but mostly I must admit I shielded my central nervous system with my eyelids.

Now, over 20 years later, I still have fears that tempt me to close my eyes. I don’t hang off cliffs anymore but with three kids, a mortgage, and a demanding job in teaching, I certainly have a tendency to feel overwhelmed sometimes. There are many ways we as adults “close our eyes” to our troubles. It could be as serious as drug use or as harmless as simply changing the subject. With the whole country in a recession, I know there is a lot of fear out there and a lot of people are probably thinking they’d rather be numb than feel the pain going on in their lives. To those I say this:

When I look back at those days on the cliff, I wish I would have looked more when I was scared. Perhaps I could have conquered that fear of heights I have to this day. The times when I was worried if I’d pass a class, I wish I would have shaken off the fear and just tried harder. These days I find myself in wonderful places all the time that could be scary or they could be amazing. I guess the only way I will know is to keep my eyes open.

As creative, enlightened people, we should actively practice an open mind by listening as much as possible.

I hope that will make perfect sense to you after I have given you many ways to do it through the course of this series. Please feel encouraged to subscribe to this series. I’m excited about how valuable this is in opening ones mind. Sometimes we shut people out as if we were using custom blinds for our psyche. Those are great for our house, but not for our heart and mind. We need to listen more.

We’ve all heard the statistics about how women have larger brains and how they are better listeners and better at many other things than men. I am not here to argue that at all. My wife knows full well how much I believe she is playing with a larger emotional deck that I am. What I want to stress is that I believe women and men, based on my experience of family, work, and life, are all generally poor at listening. In fact, it might be a cultural thing that we as Americans do not like to listen. Many are like me, we like to talk, fast, hard, and loud, no matter who gets hurt or shut out.

What if you could be more enlightened about what the people around you think?

The other day I caught myself lecturing my son on how his things were in every room in the houses where they didn’t belong (including a shoe at the bottom of the pool). As I rambled on and watched his bulbous brown eyes begin to well up tears, I listened to myself and it was not the ideal I have for myself. Ever done that?

It is phenomenal how much our mind is opened when we listen fully to someone else. Active listening is when you say back what the other is saying periodically and that is a good idea. But can you listen to people for half a day and not have a response? I’ve tried it and friends it aint easy. Just let what they are saying penetrate your mind, don’t respond except for the normal, OK etc. This is crucial to the experiment.

I could give you many statistics on how listening makes you a better person and such, but let’s just try the experiment what do you say? Starting right now at 11:26am until 6 or 7 tonight when I am doing my evening laps and jacuzzi time, I am going to listen. We haven’t been to church in a while and we decided to go to Saturday night services tonight … I might have picked the perfect day ;)

At any rate, whatever you do and whoever you interact with, this is a good exercise. I think you will be blown away at the paradigm shifts you experience and the broader, more open mind that you enjoy as a result. Heck, we may all decide to never speak again! …probably not, but it sounded like a good close. Whether you do this experiment or not, I’d love to get your comments on the concept of listening.

I love the quote: “A closed mouth gathers no foot.” It seems odd for me to be writing on this topic today. As a blogger, teacher, and guitar simger/songwriter, it seems all I ever do is talk and offer advice. At the same time I am learning more and more that being silent and listening a long time before I speak makes my advice more respected and welcomed.

In the coming year, you will likely run across someone who has lost their job, their home, their spouse, etc. These are tough times. Why not declare yourself a “listener first” and use restraint when you feel like giving advice. You’ll save yourself a lot of regret, take it from me. I read the other day that sleeping pills were selling off the shells. This is because people are having hard times and they really need someone like YOU to listen to them. Perhaps you are having hard times? I’d be happy to listen if you leave a comment. All the best and good luck in holding your tongue.

Empathy should be a life goal if you want to be complete as a person. All kinds of problems develop when you lack empathy that I won’t get into here but trust me when I say most the mistakes I make in my life are made simply because I am not practicing empathy.

I remember when I was a kid and even into my 20’s I looked at my shoes as different from other people’s. My friend in 4th grade was Chinese and his family asked us to leave our shoes on the front porch. I remember thinking their shoes looked odd. I was self-centered. Mine of course were worn “correctly.” Many years later I was walking with my daughters, both below 5, in an open field. We ran across an old shoe that was pretty torn up. I remember thinking the shoe could have belonged to me as much as anyone else. I wondered if the person died out in that field or if it was just dumped there by someone who owned the shoe or knew someone who owned it. My wondering was a “type” of empathy.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that wondering like that is good for me and my relationships. It is a signal of growth. Unfortunately though, it never comes natural. It is something I need to always be reminding myself to do. 3rd person pronouns need to have less of a place in my life. Her, him, it, they, them, she, etc. – they need to all become “me” and “I.” It produces a aura of tolerance. For instance, there was a time when I felt the best weight loss pills for people were exercise and diet. I have learned since that many people really need help in that area and I shouldn’t judge them. It was something I had no empathy for because it didn’t mesh with my experience.

The next time you see discarded shoes in a junk pile, an open field, or even undiscarded shoes on someones doorstep, remember they could be your shoes. Better still, put yourself in their shoes. As you do so, you open your mind to better communication skills, a more loveable nature, and most of all, a “grown-up” attitude.

For all of you in need of some free relationship advice, I have an exciting gift to share with you today. Like the all the best things in life, it is 100% free for you to have and keep, and I sincerely hope you will share it with all of your friends and family, too. As I read it I found I got a lot of good marriage relationship advice.

It’s called Love Everyday, an ebook I wrote a page for along with other great relationship bloggers. It was made to give anyone who is in a relationship (or someday will be in a relationship) including some true and often funny advice. If you are single look at it as a guide to love. If you are married, look at it as free marriage relationship advice.

The Love Everyday eBook is all about the little things we do each and every day: waking up and hitting the snooze button, drinking that morning cup of coffee, sitting through Traffic, going to work, doing housework, grocery shopping and even logging onto the internet. We’re very busy people, and so it’s no surprise our relationships sometimes suffer because of it! This ebook will definitely give you some excellent advice on how to get the most out of life and give the most to your partner.

You can download it, right now, for free, right here:

Click Here to Download the Love Everyday eBook.

It features some really great writers and bloggers:

• Dr. Michelle Gannon – Marriage Prep 101
• Paul & Lori Byerly – The Generous Husband The Generous Wife
• Denee King – She Just Got Married
• Corey Allan – The Simple Marriage
• Toni & Alisa DiLorenzo – One Extraordinary Marriage
• Stu Gray – The Marry Blogger
• Dustin Riechmann – Engaged Marriage
• Lori Lowe – Life Gems
• Sheri Kruger – Zen Family Habits Serene Journey
• Mandi Ehman – Organizing Your Way
• Maureen Shaw – Feeling Flirty
• Trudy Sargent – Love Talk
• Isabella Mori – Change Therapy
• Cindy J. Taylor – Affair Care
• Alisa Bowman – Project Happily Ever After
• J. Money – Budgets Are Sexy
• Dan Miller – 48 Days
• Damien Riley – Damien at the Speed of Life
• Samantha Mellen – Mama Notes
• Pat Flynn – Smart Passive Income Blog
• Kathleen Quiring – Project M
• Jeff Nickles – My Super-Charged Life
• Brad Chaffee – Enemy of Debt
• Nate Desmond – Practical Manliness
• Carrie Burgan – Make Mine Happen

This ebook is over 30 pages long, so it is packed full of great advice and I’m honored to have been able to work with such a great group of people to bring something that is going to undoubtedly help many of us who have been struggling to keep our relationships afloat in the sea of busy demands.

The ebook alone is awesome, but I hope you’ll also take some time to check out all of the author’s various websites. Many of them write a lot of great things, and you’ll be on the right track to getting the life you want in no time if you take a chance to visit their sites, too.

I really hope you enjoy it, and of course, please share it with your friends and family on Twitter and Facebook or send them an email letting them know of it.

Got a vision or desire to do something with your life? Congratulations … cherish it!

Relationships, college, reading a book, … these are just three things that take a while to complete. Other endeavors can take months or years longer at times, like adult acne, just to name one. Just because it takes a long time to treat, should a person not try? Patience here is the key. There can be great satisfaction in knowing where one wants to go. This is true despite the fact that things take time.

I think the best way to go through life is to learn to be thankful for goals and directions you make for yourself. They are really where accomplishment begins. If you can be “at peace” along the journey.

Liens on homes and property one leaves behind are real and it doesn’t have to go down that way. Besides, LIFE is much better when you’re working to repair bad credit. I ran across a site where people there clain 15 minutes looking around changed their credit woes forever. Getting help with credit repair should not be a taboo. I guess people feel if they need repair then they are “broken.” Get that out of your head. It’s just like untangling something and getting professional help with the knot. Perhaps this site can help you improve credit

Despite the recession, the world keeps turning and companies are all still hiring … even for the top positions. If you ran a big company and needed someone to do the high level work of say, a CEO apprentice or something like that, how would you go about recruiting for that? It might make sense to promote from within but my time in corporate work showed me that has mixed results. These larger companies (and any size for that matter) often need a professional outside firm to “head-hunt” for them. If you haven’t heard that term it means seeking a qualified professional candidate for a job. In a tough economy like we are in now, companies still need quality head-hunters.

I ran across a website/blog that is filled with solutions. It is called Executive Search services. If you have a company and are looking to fill a valuable position you need to check it out. Also, if you are interested in reseraching the psychology of the interview, it may prove educational. It’s a high quality site for a company filling a definite need of our times.

A company profile for Spencer Stuart – one of the leaders in executive search services – can be found on Yahoo Local. Visit the Spencer Stuart’s website for more information on executive search.