Category: Self Improvement

We live, we learn, we grow. This is the wonderful process of improving the self.

Put Your Mental Health First

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This time of year I am always just a little bit more stressed than usual. Like a runner straining through his laps at the 3/4 mark of a long distance race, I can see the end. At the same time, because I have chosen to take on tough projects and goals in my career, I get fatigued around March. When this hits, even the most admirable of goals must go on the back burner until I can get where I can run well again.  Forget the projects and goals, I have to be present and emotionally available to my wife and three kids when I get home.  This takes time “away” and an open mind to get there.

As a 4th grade teacher, each year my kids have to take a standardized test (cst). Nowadays a teacher’s career more or less mirrors those once-a-year scores. I’ve been very successful every year since 2003. Before that I was still finding my way as a teacher and there was not always the growth I wanted to see. Since then I have been successful because I stress a little more than usual. I don’t really know why so many people tend to think stress is bad. It’s only bad if you fail to manage it. You need to see yourself as a child. Would you drive a fatigued child into the ground with work and demands? Of course not. First of all, it would be terribly immoral and mean and second of all, it just wouldn’t get you the results you want anyway. At the same time, you know that child will never advance unless he is challenged at least a little.  That means a little stress.  So, if you are that child, what should you to to get yourself mentally healthy and strong to manage the stress? I’ll give you some thoughts but first here are 3 fatigued people I know whom I was thinking about this morning:

  • A middle aged single mom who has lost her job and doesn’t know how she will support herself and her kid.
  • A good-hearted single guy who is pining uncontrollably for a married woman half-way across the country.
  • A person who made a terrible mistake and is now facing the consequences.

As I have considered these people’s issues in the last month, I have come up with no solutions for them.  Nonetheless, I know they all need to put their mental health first.  They should all make an appointment with a psychologist (cognitive behavioral therapist) to get their minds healthier.  Without a rested, focused, and strong mind, goals and tasks are irrelevant.  Even one who might tell me, “But Damien, I can’t feed my family.”  I admit that is brutal; however, especially in these uncertain times, we must spend the hours in meditation and mind nurturing to keep ideas flowing through us.  I’ve organized my life so at any time I can comepletely disconnect from my tasks.  I keep them on a service called “Remember the Milk” online.  I know they will be there when I “re-emerge.” Try to set your tasks up that way.  Make your mental health a priority and you will see solutions materialize.

Did you ever have a terrible headache and then found it went away after a few ibuprofen and some “still time?”  Well, when your mental health improves after making it a priority it is kind of like that only instead of the pain subsiding, you become empowered and solutions run through your mind instead of sadness, melancholy, and fatigue.  Take care of yourself by making your mental health a priority today. Get away from your tasks and “the race.”  At my school, sometimes at lunch I will walk the soccer field.  Without blogs and tests and music and all the things I commit myself to, I need that time to remember why I do it and more importantly how to do it.

5 Minutes to Closing

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pizza.jpg" alt="Late Pizza" />
Photo by juliocrockett

I’ll never forget an amazing and true pizza story that happened five minutes before closing. It was the marvelous year of 1993 and I was 23. I’d been working through college as a Pizza Hut shift manager and they’d transferred me to a city, Lake Forest to be exact, where they couldn’t find a closing manager who wouldn’t steal from the till. Apparently recruiting from day-labor zones wasn’t going too great for them. Anyway, they pulled me in and the story that follows should ring true with anyone who’d worked retail or food service with that glorious lot we all know as “the customer,” I hope you enjoy it.

Pizza Hut closed around 11-12 depending on the city and the business at those hours. This particular one closed at 11pm and so the closing cook and drivers started getting all the closing jobs done about 9:30-10p. This was for obvious reasons, if we had it all done at 11, they could leave and I could stay 20-30 more minutes to make the deposit and head home myself. Anyway, this was the routine and as most people in customer service jobs know: routines often change :)

Our entire make-table was cleaned and the food was all stored in the walk-in fridge. We kept a few things out just in case like a box of pepperoni, some shredded Mozzarella, a couple disks of crust, yadda yadda. You learn the basic ingredients the late nighters order. When the clock showed 10:55pm we thought an 11pm close-up was eminent … then the phone rang. A collective sign rang out among the four of us in the store. It was an order for one order of buffalo wings. These cost under the bare minimum of our delivery cost so we told the customer they needed something more to get it delivered. We all hoped that would turn them away (my apologies to my old Pizza Hut superiors but sometimes $3.99 wings for the company minus labor and costs just isn’t worth it at five minutes to close.) Nonetheless, we took the order anyway and got ready to send it through.

That was when the drunk customer began to get surly.  He said in a gruff husky voice: “Make these wings hot doggonnit!  You guys never make ‘em hot enough!

I explained to this customer that our wings are prepared commissary so all we do is cook them.  We have no ingredients to make them hotter or milder.  He of course carried on that was all BS and he wanted his wings hot.  Mind you by this time it was after closing and his order was about $5.99 which he would have delivered and most likely not even tip the driver.  I told him I would see what i could do. As I started his order I was dreaming of getting home in time to watch the end of Johnny Carson.

As I started puttng the frozen wings into a pizza pan, I glanced up and had an evil thought.  Sometimes those make your life miserable but other times they make a good life story!  I saw the giant jalapenos can we used to fill out ingredients table with.  I recalled THE JUICE we strain off.  I tild my night cook Julio to pour the straight jalapeno juice over the wings before and after the cooking process and then put them back in for 3 minutes after that.

Long story short, I got a call as I was sealing the deposit bag.  Does anyone know what I am talking about?  The plastic things that can only be sealed once and if you mess it up you have to use another one?  Anyway, amazing how I jhad not remembered those up until now.  Back to the drunk wing customer: He called me and told me he wanted my boss’ phone number to thank him for the best wings he’d ever had and to give me some form of recognition.

I gave him the 1-800 number.  Hung up the phone.  Laughed a good laugh and ended up getting a Big Mac and missing Johnny Carson that night.  It all reminds me of a Tale of Two Cities opening line by Charles Dickens, “It was the best of times it was the worst of times.”

Whether it’s pizza or something else, if you’ve worked with the public … you probably know what that means.

Power of Mantra

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Like the words of a psychologist to you on the couch, this post will introduce a series on the practice of having an open mind.

I’ve been writing about psychology and inspiration here since December of 2006 and in the process I’ve done a lot of homework I love to share. Mark Twain once said: “When I turned 20, I was amazed at all my father had learned in ten years.” Our perception of the world is filtered through our point of view. If we have an open mind as we travel through life, we transcend much of the trouble around us. One invaluable tool in keeping an open mind is to have a mantra.

Remember when you were younger, about junior high age? You could run around all day: boys at the football field, girls at the mall or maybe the softball field. (Of course I don’t mean to sound like all women wanted to be at the mall but many I knew did). At any rate, physical activity back then had very few consequences. I would run 5-10 miles on the x-country team and have no soreness whatsoever the next day. Well, now fast forward to today. I can barely run to the end of my street without needing to stop and gather myself. Part of that is my fault for not exercising enough. Another part of it is just plain aging. Even as a youngster; however, practice had its place. Running those hill workouts paid off when I won the races. Our minds need practice too. A mantra can be part of that life-changing practice.

The big picture of this series is the way we feel about the world. Our mind processes things differently as it is accustomed to do. The good news is that as long as we practice the right mental things, we never need to suffer the way we do in our physical aging. In fact, if we stay mentally “worked out,” we can be more enlightened the older we get. Kind of cool eh? So, just to clarify the big picture here:

Physical Practice = Winning races/competitions

Mental Practice = Seeing the world the way it is.

One mental exercise we should engage in is the practice of having an open mind. Just like running one mile and skipping the rest of the week will not make a young runner any stronger, so we are made “mentally flabby” when we neglect this practice. The time this verb “practice” is most vivid to me is when I get angry or when I get disappointed or otherwise discouraged. It’s in those moments I can hear that inner psychologist on the couch in my mind say: “Calm down, this is what practice is all about.”

When and how to use a mantra to keep your mind open:

  1. When we are out of sorts it comes from 1 of 2 sources: a) Internal – we have a chemical imbalance happening and need food or medicine to balance it out -or- b) External stimulus has disagreed with us in some way. The first step therefore is to determine which source is bringing you down. For example: Would a glass of water help? Some peanuts? You make the call there. This step is kind of like a stop and regroup.
  2. The second step is to ACT to accept the cause of the problem. It could be your blood sugar or a person in your face. Either way: ACCEPT the cause for what it is.
  3. The third step is a mantra. A mantra isn’t a middle eastern mystery, it’s just a phrase that has good energy for you. Remember the little engine that could? His mantra was: “I think I can, I think I can.” You can use many mantras that already exist or make up your own. I really like the mantra: “Is that so?” Eckhart uses it and recommends it in his book. I recommend it as well.

Other things you could say are (for example): “That’s one way to look at it,” “This too shall pass,” etc. I know you are creative because you’ve read this far. I encourage you to pick a mantra, write it on a card and when you lose your peace in the day, read the card, say the card, BE the card. I think you will as I have that the mental and spiritual rewards are mammoth.

When you exit a room of dissent and feel like you’ve made a contribution of peace, it’s one of the most powerful victories you can imagine.

I Control Paper it Does not Control Me

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This is a reading of my post published about a year about on the Edublogs Magazine. My wife said it sounds like I am “reading” so I thought I just go ahead and tell you beforehand that is what I am doing :) This subject is one I am mulling over the idea of a book for. What do you think of a paperless office? classroom?

Psychology and Blog Money

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Note: This post is about getting your mind right when you are already making money blogging. If you are not yet making money blogging, you might want to check out my post on a list of companies that pay you to blog.

Psychology – “Get your mind right.”

A lot of things have been said about blogging and making money but hardly anything has been written about the psychology of this. It is a true “head trip” to blog for money. The long hours doing tedious tasks while trying to keep the inspiration flowing can be daunting. I know in the beginning I was tempted to give it up many times. Now, after close to three years of doing blogging for money, I am glad I didn’t give and I am glad I “got my mind right” with regards to what it’s all about. What’s your take on it?

Scheduling

A big boost to your brain energy and clarity is scheduling. There are many ways to do this and no one way is better than another. Because blogging takes so much of your creative energy it can be hard to focus on what needs to be done in the business aspect of your blogging job. I recommend both a task manager and an online calendar. The two I use are rememberthemilk.com and Google Calendar. You can preserve your great ideas for publishing when you know there is a reminder coming to tell you what to do next. Blogging is so much more complicated than people realize. Scheduling will help you stay on track with fresh, inspired content.  For an in-depth explanation of how I use these two tools you can visit my post on Google Calendar and Remember the Milk.

Da Money

If you want to make money, you have to look around and get the companies in your shortcut bar. You have to read their requirements and clip your blog to suit. One company I work for recently required a lot of scripts be taken off their blogs. They claim if you haven’t taken them off, they will delete you from the system. Because I get paid from this company, I showed interest in their request and got all those offending scripts off. Part of being a good blogger is knowing where your revenue comes from and paying attention to your “employers.”

Friendships

To make money in blogging, it helps to have loyal friends in the field. Take time to comment and get to know people whose blogs you visit. In time these friendships could grow into those of people who will Stumble your posts or otherwise help you get the analytics and circulation you want.

Well, those are three important areas. I hope if you are interested in blog money you will see just how important the right psychology is.

Invite Order and Stillness into Your Life

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When the arrows of life’s hardships are flying past you and you can hardly gather your thoughts, invite order and stillness into your life. I know it’s hard but you should take some time to walk the beach or even just pull into a parking lot and creak the seat back. Breathe slowly and visualize a peaceful image. Doing this for even 10 minutes will bring order and stillness to your mind. You can also engage in introspection and questioning such as: “Why do I feel this way?” Take the time to explore the possible causes. People will take notice you are different. When they do, let them know your secret weapon. Taking time to invite order and stillness into your life will add quality to the years you have ahead. Here’s a few quotes about order and stillness that I absolutely love:

“Sometimes we reach the boiling point before we realize that the stove is on. Become aware of your feelings – keep your eye on the stove.”
Karen Dougherty

“It doesn’t matter how inspired your work is if you’re not healthy.”

Care deeply..give freely…think kindly…act gently and be at peace with the world.
anonymous

“Joy is not in things; it is in us.”
Benjamin Franklin

“May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart!”
Eskimo proverb

More psychology quotes at my Crazy Quotes Page

I hope you agree this is important.  How will you invite order and stillness into your life this week?

Days Without Paper?

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My latest passion at my job for the last couple years has been developing methods to teach without paper. I’m using far less but I have miles to go. I’ve learned that it is very possible and it can be even be more effective than killing trees with a bunch of handouts and packets. You can read about that passion as well as see a daily sample plan of how I teach without paper. If you teach, how do you teach without paper?

I Read Cognitive Therapy and the 10 Distortions on my Podcast

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What do you think of seeing a therapist?  I think most people are starting to respect that as a valid step toward resolving conflict and confusion in ones life.  I’m open about the therapy that I have had.  I’ve written a lot about it on my blog(s) and share it with people in my circle in real life.  A couple days ago I talked at length in a podcast about: Cognitive Therapy and the 10 Distortions.  If you are curious why I found therapy helpful, if you just want to hear the 10 distortions, or if you are curious what my voice sounds like, I encourage you to give that episode a listen. Click here and jump over to the podcast episode.

Getting Help On Forums

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No, I don’t by the title mean psychological help, though you can get that nowadays as well. I’m talking about any kind of help you need via internet on forums. Here’s how it usually goes for me: I’m working on a task when all of a sudden, nothing works right. I type my question in a search and up pops a page or more of forum threads that have those keywords. If I am lucky, I find the answers right there. More often than not however, it is an open thread or a new thread that no one has seen yet. That’s when I leave my question.

Usually in this situation, I have to register at the forum. This takes about 5 minutes. Once I’ve done that, I type in my question and … wait! I have learned a sure-fire way to improve my visibility is to add an avatar. For this reason, I have a folder on my desktop with a 48×48 avatar file-sized no larger than 9k. This shows the admin as well and the readers that you are a real person who took the time and will care to check back and read their response. I say filling out the profile section in full can’t hurt either.

As the economy has slowed almost to a stop and as many companies are outsourcing their support to third world countries, we will all find ourselves calling on forums more and more to get answers. Whether you are looking for a way to clean your clogged pool pump or just get some recommendations on outdoor furniture, I hope these forum guidelines help you. When you go on forums, do you think its helpful to fill out the profile (incl. a picture)?

forum profile example

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Yesterday

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A few days ago you may recall I wrote a post about spending less time blogging. Today (3-12-09) will be my first “day off” blogging since December 16th, 2006. I celebrate that because I feel like my blogs have grown enough to live without me sometimes ;) (I am well aware that statement is probably a sign I need more therapy). *sarcasm*

At any rate, some of you who read Postcards may not know I actually have 4 blogs which includes a weekly audio podcast. As I get ready to turn the computer off for 24 hours, I wanted to link them here for you and extend an invitation to visit them. Here they are along with the number of unique visitors I had on each yesterday, by way of trivia. (source:Google Analytics)

Unique visitors Yesterday 3-10-09
Postcards from the Funny Farm – 157
Damien at the Speed of Life – 17
Dynamite Lesson Plan – 31
The Damien Riley Podcast – 13

I look forward to letting my mind escape the internet and experience the world, without reflection … I haven’t REALLY done that in a long long time.

MAKE UP YOUR OWN QUESTION HERE

Riley out.

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