Do You Give to Get?

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Your answer to that question may be the reason you’re not getting what you want.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

-Dale Carnegie

Of all his quotes, this one is the best in my opinion. It’s like the old adage your mother and father said when you were young: “If you want to have a friend, you have to be a friend.” Ah if it were only so simple to put into practice. Here’s a gem of knowledge I’ve picked up: aspirers to greatness, get out your pens.

When fettered by the pressures of the day, there is a way out. Well, I’ll call it a way through since “way out” connotes quitting. Instead of focusing on your pressures and concerns, tell yourself on the way to work or whatever it is you are doing: “I will try and help others first today.” You will find this to be a transformative experience that will open your mind more to those around you. As a result, you will be more accepting and your troubles will likely become easier to deal with. I wouldn’t recommend this unless I had tried it. And as always, I write it here in part to remind myself to use it. Try thinking of others above yourself tomorrow and see what happens. I think you’ll be pleased and surprised.

2 Comments

  1. Posted August 19, 2008 at 7:28 pm | Permalink

    The easiest thing you can do is spend time listening to what others have to say. Like listening to their small talk and asking them questions, which act as gentle nudges to reveal a little more about themselves. People love this, and it forms bonds when you don’t even realize what is happening. It’s called self-disclosure, and it is an essential step in forming relationships with other people. The great thing is, it doesn’t take much effort at all. You just need to shut up for more than half the time during any conversation.

  2. Posted August 19, 2008 at 7:46 pm | Permalink

    Self-disclosure? I thought that was sharing something about yoruself? The listening you describe is an excellent practice. I’m really glad you mentioned it. It is so important to listen.

4 Trackbacks

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  4. By When to Stop Helping Others on August 16, 2008 at 1:34 pm

    [...] Postcards from the Funny Farm ‘Outside the box’ psychology and inspiration. By Damien Riley, MA « Do You Give to Get? [...]

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