I’ve enjoyed forums for entertainment, research, and everyday information for a good many years now. I have accounts on everything from a Jeep forum to a blogger network and I’ve learned a lot about online communication through forums. They are invaluable for things like learning how to get out a certain stain or replacing a water pump. On the other hand they have often proven negative for me when people decide to be arrogant and rude. Thankfully for me today, I’ve made a breakthrough!
I’m sorry to say I’ve spoken in anger on forums before. My hope is that I’ll never feel like I have to again. When/if online arguments are getting to me I need to take a few Vegas vacations and be good to go. I know now it’s 100% up to me how I react on a forum. I’m not responsible for what they do or say. Here are a few tips I learned from the school of hard knocks. Maybe they will help you avoid the few mistakes I have made in heated discussions:
People may insult you or your viewpoint Opinions are like _____ , everybody has one. Look at it all from a distance and keep a passive attitude at all costs.
Retaliation with words is rarely a good move, but I believe there is a time to defend yourself harshly. If it is an extremely offensive remark, let the admins know. If they do nothing, get over it, it’s not your forum. You can always leave.
There are “showboats” on every forum, learn who they are as fast as possible and then take them with a grain of salt.
Try to say more positive things than negative things. All humans want to be around positive energy. The best way to make friends off or online is to do things for them, make their day better because they talked to you.
If the conversation gets to you physically it’s time for a walk, ie; increased heartbeat, irritability, etc.
Ask yourself, “How would I respond to this if the offending person is standing face to face with me?” Chances are, your response in person would be less harsh. That would be a good direction to go with your frustration.
I am normally a very even tempered blogger who rarely has issues with people in forums. But every so often I run across these very difficult people. It has been suggested by one of these people on a forum that we develop an “ignore” function. I see lots of potential problems with that. Don’t make the mistakes I have made of possibly alienating people. The most wonderful thing about forums is that we can connect with so many people from right in our living room, or the coffee house, or even the library. I’ll try and keep my cool out there, I recommend you do the same. Got any tips to add to the list?
3 Comments
if a person wants to argue or debate, s/he must have their facts straight and not mixed up with generalisations or heresay.
if it’s a matter of personal opinion or preference, it would be nice to adopt some diplomacy in his or her writing.
and if you find a comment offensive, try responding towards the message rather than the tone. gotta grow a little bit of a thick skin sometimes!
me two cents! :)
What a good post Riley – it is so true how easy it is to take offence to someone elses remark or opinion. To stand back and think about it is much better and think about your reply. Like you say it is all too easy to type something on your keyboard, that you would not likely say face to face!
I already have an ignore button lol! Usually when I come across a poster who cannot discuss an issue without getting personal and vile I just stop reading them and rarely if ever bother commenting back.
My advice, don’t take things personal and stay on topic. If a poster doesn’t want to do that so be it, time to move on.