I’ll be adding a few of these Steven Wright quotes to the Crazy Quotes Page. Check ‘em out, they’re hilarious.
Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that’s part of the experiment? I’m like that all the time.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I intend to live forever — so far, so good.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
24 hours in a day… 24 beers in a case…. coincidence?
When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Source for these and many more crazy Steven Wright quotes: humor
2 Comments
These are very, very funny. I lolled a lot, as I think they say on de street.
Yes I have heard that expression once or twice :) Thanks for your comment.